


Gain from Pain

by VyeLoyomBrightwarrior



Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: Adoption, Aftermath of Torture, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 10:33:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3764893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VyeLoyomBrightwarrior/pseuds/VyeLoyomBrightwarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was an evil group in SGU and Young and Rush found out. So when they finally went home, Rush made it so the evil group couldn't dial back to Destiny. Years later they have made it back to the ship but everyone has to deal with the consequences of what happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gain from Pain

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote awhile ago that I thought I'd post. There is some torture and an attempted suicide so if you think the rating should go up just tell me and I'll change it. I hope you enjoy.

The whimpers sound almost inhuman, even though Young knows that it is indeed a human that is making them. He’s finally found the missing man. He rounds the corner to see Rush sitting on the floor with his back to the wall. The man has drawn his knees up to his chest and is currently hugging them tightly as he rocks back and forth, whimpering like an abused abandoned dog. Touching him won’t help. They’d discovered that weeks ago. Nicole could snap him out of it in an instant, but Young doesn’t think the little girl needs that kind of responsibility. Besides, Rush needs to actually deal with his problems. The problems he only has because of Young.“Nick?” he questions gently, dropping to his knees so as not to scare his head scientist. “Nick, you’re safe now. You’re on Destiny.” Rush finally stops whimpering when he says Destiny. He pokes his head up above his knees so he can look to see who’s there.

“Sorry Colonel,” he states as he recognizes where he is and what just happened. It’s been happening almost every other day. “I’ll just get to work then,” he adds, rising quickly and avoiding looking Young in the eyes. But Young can’t allow that and he stands as well, partly blocking the scientist’s path but giving the man enough room to get around him. Blocking him in will scare him and probably cause a panic attack.

“Rush, you need to talk about this,” Young asserts. Predictably Rush chooses to ignore him and slips past him, walking away. “It’s affecting Nicole,” he states. It’s a very low blow and he knows that, but if it gets the man the help he needs then Young is going to do it. Sure enough Rush freezes in place. “You don’t even have to say everything. Heck, you can just say it sucked. But Rush, you have to talk about it eventually, and you’re going to start right now.”

Rush turns, looks him in the eye. “It was living hell,” he says before turning on his heel and walking away. It may not be much, but it was still progress.

* * *

_“Are you sure?” he questions. This seems like the last thing the colonel would encourage him to do. But the man nods his head._

_“Just in case,” Young tells him._

_“If you’re right…” he starts to say._

_“I know what I’m asking of you,” Young interrupts. “But Rush, if I am right…”_

_“I know,” he responds. “And I think you are.”_

_“You’ll need to tell someone,” Young states. He nods._

_“I’ll give Eli a code to work out.” Young nods, agreeing with him. “Just… don’t forget about me,” he begs, locking eyes with the colonel. The man snorts._

_“If only that were possible,” he jokes causing the scientist to give a small little half smile. “I have faith in you,” he says in a more serious tone. “I trust you Rush.” It’s the first time he’s ever said that._

_“I won’t let you down,” he promises._

_“If you do, we’ll all understand,” Young assures him._

_“But I won’t,” he insists. Young nods._

_“We will help you,” he promises. “Eventually.” Rush nods his understanding._

_“Now, I have quite a bit of work to do,” he states as he turns back to the consul._

_“So do I,” Young agrees. He listens to the colonel’s footsteps as the man nears the door. But the man stops in the doorway like people typically do. “You’re a good man Rush,” he states. He doesn’t turn or even stop working. He’s afraid he’ll might tear up if he does, not that he’d ever admit to that._

_“As are you,” he responds briefly. Then the colonel is finally gone, leaving him to finish his work. Work that could very well land him in prison._

* * *

Eli finds him sitting at the consul working. “Didn’t you sleep at all?” Rush ignores him like normal, but the way his shoulders hunched when Eli came in is something that has only come about since the incident. “Rush, you need to sleep.” Still no response, unless you count increased tenseness in Rush’s shoulders. And it’s visibly increased tenseness, which Eli would have sworn was impossible. Fine. He’ll change tactics. “So, I was thinking after the clue you gave me that we should try to translate the data base into elfish,” he says the first thing that comes to mind. Rush still doesn’t respond, but he relaxes his shoulders ever so slightly. “I’ll get right on that then.”

* * *

_“We’re going home!” Eli tells him excitedly. He just continues working, giving no response whatsoever in the hopes that the young gamer will leave. No such luck, as usual. “Rush, did you hear me? We’re going home!”_

_“That’s great Eli,” he responds distractedly as he types commands into the consul. Eli’s footsteps get closer and he only just manages to pull up another screen before the boy can see exactly what he’s doing._

_“Come on Rush,” Eli says. “Improving weapons’ capability can wait. We’re going to go home!”_

_“That’s the third time you said that,” he states, turning around to look Eli in the eye. “I heard you the first time.”_

_“Well maybe if you’d actually respond I wouldn’t repeat myself,” Eli says irritably. He just sighs and turns back to the consul, fiddling almost absent-mindedly with the controls as he listens to see what Eli will do next. “Do you have any idea how annoying you are?” the gamer asks him. He decides the best course of action is to continue to stare at the consul, tweaking power impute. Eli sighs. “Sometimes I don’t even know why I bother,” he says before leaving Rush alone again. If he’s honest with himself, Rush doesn’t know why Eli bothers either. He switches the screen back to the real problem and sighs, running his hand through his hair. He knows how to do what he’s planning; he just has to pick a code that Eli will be able to get._

_“Colonel Young,” he radios._

_“Yes Rush?” comes the response._

_“I’d like to see you down in the control room,” he informs his ally._

_“On my way.” He goes back to the weapon problem, deciding that since Eli saw him fiddling with it he might as well fix it up somewhat. He doesn’t have to wait long for Young to come strolling through the door. “What is it Rush?”_

_“I need a code Eli would get,” he tells the colonel. “I have one that might work, but I need to know; has Eli seen Lord of the Rings?”_

_“My guess is yes, but I’ll find out,” the colonel says. He nods, turning back to the consul. “Oh, and Rush?” He turns back again to see the colonel has a small smile on his face. “I completed my part of the plan.” Rush smiles back, pleased with that._

_“Now all this hinges on whether or not Mr. Wallace has seen Lord of the Rings,” he muses. Young nods._

_“Try not to be too grouchy about going home,” Young says as he turns to go. “After all, we only want suspicions raised once we’re back home, not before.”_

_“Of course,” he agrees. Then Young leaves and he spends the rest of the day working with the weapons. Something he knows he won’t get to do again for a very long time._

* * *

“No,” TJ demands, blocking her patient from placing his unfished plate of food on the counter. She is happy when Nicole doesn’t shy away at her tone of voice; it’s taken awhile to progress like that.

“No what?” Rush asks, continuing his infuriating habit of asking questions he already knows the answers to as though he thinks she’ll back down. She’s not going to be that easy on him.

“Did you make Nicole eat?” she asks. He gives her a scowl and seems perfectly content to stand there scowling at the doctor for days.

“He did,” Nicole comes to the rescue. “He even made me eat my salad.”

“Only because you wanted dessert,” he defends himself to the eight year old. TJ takes a harder look at the plate. It doesn’t look like Rush really ate anything. He probably just moved his food around, disobedient stubborn jerk.

“You need to get back on a regular diet,” she insists. He avoids her gaze, staring down either at his plate or more likely the floor. His hair is blocking his eyes so she can’t tell for sure.

“I’m not hungry.” It’s so submissive and so unlike the Rush she used to know, but so very like the Rush that had come back after the incident.

“You need to eat something,” she says, practically begging. He takes the cookie off the plate before pushing past her to set his plate down, Nicole following. TJ isn’t the least surprised to find the cookie in the trash can on the bridge a few hours later.

* * *

_“Here Eli,” he says, handing the boy a book. “You left this in the control room.” The colonel walks by just then, giving him a small nod as he passes._

_“Thanks Rush,” Eli responds. “I was looking everywhere for this!” He just nods once before walking past the boy, nerves already making his stomach churn. He glances at the countdown that one of the other scientists managed to put up on the clock that normally shows the time they stay out of FTL. Five minutes. They only have five more minutes before they will try to dial. In five more minutes, his life will be over. That is, it will be if the colonel is right. He’s never wanted someone to be wrong so badly before today._

_“Are you alright?” TJ asks him. Darn it. He should have known the medic would pick up on his mood. She likes to make sure everyone on the ship is okay, and she must have seen that he isn’t._

_“Fine,” he mutters his typical one word response as he moves to the gate control panel. He’ll need to be here to complete his work._

_“You know Rush,” he hears the colonel jump in behind him. “He’s probably sad to be leaving the ship.” Everyone would believe that too, mostly because it was true of course, but also because the crew couldn’t really imagine him having anyone back home that he cares about. They’re right of course, but that doesn’t mean that their assumptions don’t hurt a little. But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is completing his mission._

_He finishes with twenty-eight seconds to spare, giving the colonel a nod to let the man know it’s finished. This is it. If the colonel is right, life as he now knows it could be gone forever. The normal good cheer one would expect comes when the gate opens. People leave the ship and Rush slips in line next to the colonel. He has to be the last to go through because once he goes through, the program will take effect. He watches the cheering and excitement as people near the gate, finding only dread in himself._

_“The book?” the colonel questions._

_“Inscribed by the author,” Rush mutters softly. It wouldn’t do for someone to overhear after all._

_“Only the author has your handwriting?” He nods in response, dread mounting as more and more people disembark. “Rush, you did well,” Young tells him. He nods again, not trusting himself to speak. He has the feeling that he’s going to throw up. Suddenly, it’s only he and Young left. “Good luck,” Young tells him before stepping through the portal._

_“I’ve never had good luck,” he responds to no one before turning around to get one last look at Destiny. “I’ll be back,” he promises, refusing to consider the alternatives. Then he turns and steps through the gate back to the Milky Way Galaxy. The instant he appears on the other side the gate shuts down. They try to dial the gate from this end, but naturally they fail. He lets a small smile show, trying to revel in his triumph instead of think about the consequences it will have. He’ll have more than enough time for that when he actually has to face the consequences. For now he just smirks as he listens to the yelling and confusion his stunt caused._

_“Rush,” Young says in his annoyed voice. They both knew that the colonel would be the first to spot him out if this was real which is why the man is the one ratting him out now. “Did you do something?” All eyes turn to him and he does his best to keep a cocky grin on his face instead of letting any amount of dread show._

_“No one is getting back on Destiny without me,” he responds in answer. He feels like he just signed his own death warrant._

* * *

He comes into med bay to see the scientist sitting listlessly on one of the beds, staring at the wall. Nicole sits next to him, looking up at the man worriedly. Another nightmare. It can’t go on like this. He turns to Eli and the man nods. “Hey Nicole, do you want to learn how to prank Greer?” She’s up like a shot. She thinks of Greer like some crazy uncle, and they both love to mess with each other.

“Sure!” she agrees. And then Eli and Nicole are gone. A pointed look at TJ has her leaving as well. Now it’s just him and Rush. He goes as sits next to the man. All Rush does is tense.

“No one can go on like this Rush,” Young tells him. Rush blinks before turning to look at him.

“You think I don’t know that?” he questions, sounding slightly offended but mostly just plain tired. “Everyone else who went through what I did broke because they couldn’t cope. But I could.”

“Yes, fine, you’re coping. But I don’t think you can argue that you aren’t coping well and you aren’t living, not really.” Rush sighs and glances at the floor as though it might hold the secret to getting Young to leave before looking the colonel in the eye again.

“Three years,” he says. “Three years they tortured me, did things that broke others, things that I don’t care to remember.”

“But you are remembering, whether you want to or not,” Young points out. “Telling someone might help.”

“Oh yes, because all we need now is someone else waking in the middle of the night screaming,” Rush responds with his usual defensive sarcasm.

“Then don’t give details,” Young insists. “Just tell me what happened.” Rush looks like he’s going to argue, but he’s a man who’s been fighting too hard for too long.

“There were two halves,” he states. Young realizes that he means there were two halves to the torture. And the Rush is explaining the first half and Young listens intently.

* * *

_They toss him onto the ground roughly, without a care for him at all. He instinctively tries to catch himself with his arms but that doesn’t work since they are tied behind his back. Besides, his muscles are so weak from disuse that they probably couldn’t hold his weight. He finds himself trembling on the ground, unable to see because of the blindfold, speak because of the contraption they’ve forced in his mouth, or hear because of the plugs they put in his ears. He knows better than to try to move. They’ll only hit him. Not that they won’t do that anyways, but why cause trouble? But a second later he feels someone touching his wrists. He tenses, having learned by now to fear any and all forms of human touch. A second later the bonds holding him are released. He continues to lay on the ground for a few minutes, but they don’t touch him again. Maybe they left. Maybe he can move. Slowly, still trembling, he manages to pull himself up into a sitting position. Then he freezes._

_Seconds pass. Then minutes. He sits there, counting the seconds until he finally comes to the conclusion that they aren’t going to punish him for sitting. So he decides to go farther. Why not? He carefully lifts his shaking hands up to his face, pulling the blindfold up so it sits on top of his head. He freezes instantly when he sees all the people in the room, laying on the floor, blindfolded, gagged and with ear plugs just like him. None of them have dared to move as of yet. This feels horribly wrong, but he shakes it off, opting instead to tear out the plugs in his ears, trying to ignore just how weird it feels to be able to see and hear again after… after however long he’s been here. He isn’t sure. All he knows is that it has to be a least a month, but his sense of time is so skewed that a year could have passed without him knowing._

_“In five minutes everyone here will die,” comes a voice over some sort of intercom. He freezes, horror taking over. “Unless someone pleads for their life. In four minutes and…” he tunes out what he realizes then is an automated message before starting to fumble with the contraption on his head, the one holding the object in his mouth that keeps him from speaking. But it soon becomes obvious that there is no way he can do this on his own. But he can’t very well get someone else to help him. They’ll shy away from his touch if they’ve been treated anything like he has, and he doesn’t have the time to get them under control. “In one minute and twenty-three seconds,” the voice drones on. His eyes frantically search the room for a way to stop all this and they land on a camera. Camera. Of course._

_He moves so he is facing the camera, barely even able to keep himself sitting up as he does. Then he raises his trembling hands and starts speaking. Speaking sign language. At one point he knew a great deal, but now all he can remember is the alphabet. “Please spare us,” he signs as he prays that they’ll accept his shoddy signing as speaking. “Please have mercy.”_

_“In ten seconds everyone here will die.” Tears are streaming down his face as he realizes he failed. He failed and they’re all going to die. He supposes it is better this way though. This way all the suffering will end. There will be no more pain. No more cringing away from the smallest tough. No more being given nutrients by injection. In short, no more torture. But then the voice cuts off and the door swings open, revealing several men and women. He flinches away. Are they going to kill everyone?_

_“The scientist passed our test huh?” a guard states, eyeing him as he shakes on the floor, utterly terrified. Not that he hasn’t been that way the whole time of course. Terrified. It’s something that you never really get over here. He’s been in a perpetual state of terror this entire time. But seeing his enemy, hearing him, it gives him a kind of advantage he didn’t have before. It makes everything a little less scary. “He always has had a good sense of survival.” That is when he remembers. They can’t kill him. They need his information, the information he barely even remembers anymore after all that. Though of course, he does still remember. It would be far too easy for him to just forget, and no one can ever make the life of Doctor Nicolas Rush easy._

_“You ready to talk?” someone asks, coming closer. He shifts away, still terrified despite the fact that he’s trying his best not to be. But this secret group within Star Gate Command is evil enough to strike fear into the heart of even the bravest man, and Rush has never really been super brave. Foolish, yes. But not brave. Sometimes he pretended to be brave. He bluffed pretty well. But at heart he’s really a coward. Not that that won’t stop him from trying to do the brave thing._

_“Looks like a no,” another guard says as one unclips the contraption that gags him, freeing him from it. He moves his tongue freely about his dry mouth, getting some of the moisture back. “What’s the code?” he questions angrily._

_“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he manages to rasp out, voice rough after disuse. The punch to his face is all it takes for him to black out._

* * *

TJ isn’t sure what to make of Rush’s progress. He’s eating more and sleeping better, that’s for sure. But he isn’t talking to anyone. He’s burying himself in his work. He seems… well he seems exactly like the old Rush. The old Rush wasn’t healthy by any means, but he was healthier. Only now everyone seems to think he’s back to normal and so, no more problem. She has the feeling that he’s merely masking his feelings to avoid talking about them. That’s what he’s always done, now that she thinks about it. He can’t go on like that. He’ll break. Not that she knows how to fix it. And thus the charade goes on.

* * *

_He wakes in a room with a bed. He blinks in shock. Surprises flood him. He can see and hear and talk. He isn’t restrained. He’s on what most people would call a poor excuse for a cot but what he can’t help but think of kind of like a king sized bed in a five star hotel. Why? He doesn’t really know. He supposes they can’t get him to talk if they keep him gagged, but that doesn’t explain why he’s not bound. It could be the whole reward thing, thinking he’ll talk now that they’ve started treating him more like a cockroach instead of a deadly virus. He refuses to let that work. The crew needs him and he’s let them down a million times before. He won’t do it now. He down right refuses._

_The door squeaks open and a man walks in. He flinches away involuntarily, suddenly realizing how underdressed he is with only a pair of tattered pants while the man before him wears a full suit. “Dr. Rush,” he says softly, enticingly. It’s the exact same voice a sleazy salesman used on him years ago to try and get him to buy a bigger TV. He instantly distrusts him. “You could be invaluable to our team. Just tell us the code and you can go back to Destiny where you belong.” Oh, the offer sounds so good. He wants it more than anything. But these people don’t deserve the secrets of the universe, and even if they did, they just tortured him, experimented on him like some useless lab rat._

_“How about you go where you belong instead?” he says calmly. His voice is rough from disuse, but it sounds vaguely like something he might say to Young in one of their many arguments._

_“Where’s that?” the evil salesman questions, still keeping up the nice guy façade. Rush smirks for the first time since the torture began._

_“Hell,” he supplies. It’s no more mister nice guy then. The mask drops as the other man lets in burning anger._

_“You are going to regret this,” he promises as guards come in a pull him roughly to his feet._

_“Isn’t that the story of my life,” he remarks with a determined glare. And then he’s whisked from the room to a new room; a torture room. And his old familiar friend pain comes down on him with a vengeance._

* * *

Pounding starts and it won’t go away. Eli groans, pulling up the covers over his head. The pounding only seems to get louder. He sighs, pulling himself out of bed to answer the door. It’s probably Chloe playing a prank or something. He opens the door annoyed, but all annoyance leaves when he sees the lost looking little girl standing there. “Papa’s not in his room,” Nicole explains. And she’d had a nightmare.

“I’ll radio him,” Eli offers, letting the girl in his room before turning the lights up. He finds the radio and gives the child sitting on his bed a nod. “Eli to Rush,” he speaks into the device.

“Rush here,” comes the response. He sounds wide awake and Eli is vividly reminded of all the times Rush would work through the night. Or well, he assumed it was through the night. No one really knew that man’s sleeping patterns back then. But now, now he’d supposedly developed a semi normal sleeping routine.

“Your daughter is in my room.” There is a long pause and Eli has the sinking suspicion that Rush had to look to see what time it was.

“I’m on my way,” he responds, concern in his voice for his daughter. But as concerned as he is for Nicole, Eli can’t help but feel more concern for Rush. It looks to him like the man is running himself ragged to avoid sleep. That isn’t good. He vows to radio TJ once Rush and Nicole leave. He doesn’t want anything else to happen to their head scientist.

* * *

_He can’t go on like this. He knows he can’t. Life has become meaningless and he isn’t really sure how he finds the strength to resist anymore. He wishes they’d just kill him. It’s not like the others need him to get back on board Destiny. The others don’t need him. Everyone would be better off if he died. His eyes are staring downward at the bed as he ponders this. No, not the bed. The bed sheet. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out how to straggle one’s self with a sheet, so Rush barely has to give it any thought. He’s going to die. He’s going to be free. He isn’t going to fail the others, not this time._

* * *

He’s sitting there waiting when Rush stirs, coming back awake. “Sore?” Young asks him. Rush starts and swivels around in his chair, his back now to the consul he’d been using as a pillow.

“There was an important problem,” Rush defends, eyes down in submission again even if he’s being defiant with his words.

“Our FTL capabilities are already at 97% efficiency according to Eli. Improving them beyond that is hardly a pressing matter.” Rush tenses then, as though expecting to be punished. Young sighs. “I just want to help you.”

“Then leave me alone,” Rush responds.

“I have been. It hasn’t been working all that well.”

“What, you want me to talk about it some more?” Rush asks. Years ago there would have been a sneer in his voice but now it’s like he just doesn’t have enough energy. Rush just sounds so tired and to be honest, Young is rather afraid the man might try for suicide to end it all. He’s already had one man commit suicide on Destiney (even if the events with Spencer seem like a lifetime ago) and he isn’t about to let another happen.

“Rush, I don’t care if you talk to me or someone else. I don’t care if you keep a journal or hit the wall like a crazy man each night. I just want you to find a way to get better.”

“I am,” he tries to argue, but Young won’t have it.

“No, you’re shoving your problem away and letting it fester,” Young argues back. “You need to find a way to face what happened, and I’m going to sit right here until you tell me how you’re going to do it. I’ll wait hours or days even, but I’m not letting you alone until you tell me.” Rush looks at him in disbelief before dropping his gaze back to the ground in that submissive gesture Young has come to hate. If he had Rush’s torturers here right now he’d have no qualms in skinning them alive.

“I’ve been modifying the chair,” he says suddenly, so softly the Young barely hears it. “I was trying to make it so it would make me forget.”

“But?” Young asks, sensing one there and refusing to do what he would have done in the past: yell at Rush. The scientist seems shocked by the gentle question and looks up sharply at him. Young tries to keep his expression encouraging as Rush studies him. Then he finds himself wondering if Rush wanted to argue with him to keep them from talking about the issue. He gets the feeling that he’s right on with that, and the level of manipulation Rush is capable of even in such a broken state surprises him.

“I didn’t want to forget Nicole,” he finally admits. Young blinks in shock. He’d expected Rush to list some technical problem, or maybe say if you erased your memory you had to erase your whole memory. He’d never expected that.

“So Nicole was a bright spot for you?” he asks. Rush nods.

“No matter what, she always made me smile,” he remembers.

* * *

_He sits huddled in the corner of the room, trying to keep warm. They took the bed and sheet out of his room so he has nothing but his tattered pants. He doesn’t want to find out what they’ll do if he tries to strangle himself with those. And then he hears noise coming from the airshaft above. Someone is crawling through it. Curiosity calls him to rise and peer up into the shaft, and he obeys. It must be someone small up there because the shaft looks pretty narrow. He wouldn’t even fit in his starved condition, which is saying something. And then, suddenly, the grating gives way and something small is falling and he just instinctively holds out his arms. Something falls into him, and he finds his body too weak to be much good and so a split second and two muffled cries later, he’s on his back on the ground holding whoever fell through the grate._

_“Stay back,” the person he caught protests, jerking violently away from him. He lets who he can now see is a little girl role off him and into a corner of the room. She looks just as terrified as he’s felt for… for however long he’s be captured._

_“I don’t want to hurt you,” he assures the girl, rising to a sitting position but no further, hands held in a placating gesture. She shakes her head at him as though she thinks he’s lying._

_“All adults hurt kids,” she tells him. It makes his heart break._

_“No,” he disagrees as gently as possible. “I’m not like the adults here. See?” he asks, motioning to the scars and wounds on his chest. “The adults here hurt me too.” She frowns, looking like she doesn’t believe him, but curiosity has her slipping closer._

_“What’d you do?” she asks._

_“I’m keeping secrets from them,” he reveals. “I’m also keeping them from getting something they want.”_

_“The spaceship?” she asks. He frowns, wondering how she knows about that but nods anyways. “You’re the man that’s been resisting them for over two years,” she says in a kind of awe. His head starts swimming. Over two years. He’s been here for over two years. “You’re my hero,” she tells him, and that’s something at least because now she’s only staying back because she’s shy and not because she’s scared. He isn’t sure how being tortured for two years makes you someone’s hero, but he’s not about to question it at the moment._

_“So, you hear the others talk?” he questions. She nods and suddenly a plan starts forming. A plan he is never ever even going to mention because it puts this poor innocent kid in way too much danger._

_“I could gather information for you,” she states the horrible plan he’s thought of himself. “Then, you could escape and bring me with you and I won’t have to have a mom or dad.” Child abuse. He knows it when he sees it and this girl has been through enough._

_“I don’t think…”_

_“You don’t have to protect me,” she interrupts. He isn’t sure how in the world this little girl got so perceptive but here it is. “I’ve been protecting myself my whole life. But I need you now just like you need me. We both need to escape, and we can’t do it without each other.” She stares him down, waiting for an answer to her unspoken question._

_“Alight,” he agrees and her face lights up. He never wants to see her sad again. “One condition. If you get caught you tell them I made you do it.”_

_“I’ll get in just as much trouble either way,” she informs him. He sighs in exasperation. She pulls back in fear._

_“No, it’s alright,” he promises, silently cursing himself. “I’m not mad at you, just the situation we’re in.” That seems to appease her and she relaxes again. “Okay, if you really want to do it than I suppose I can’t stop you,” he finds himself agreeing to a child endangering plan. All the people on Destiny would probably call him a monster for it, but he doesn’t really have a choice._

_“Yes!” she cheers happily. “I get to work with Dr. Rush!” It’s the first time anyone’s ever been this happy to work with him, and he finds himself smiling despite the situation._

_“You could just call me Nick,” he tells her, not wanting her to see him as an authority figure because it seems all the authority figures in her life have hurt her. She beams at him._

_“I’m Nicole,” she tells him._

_“Nick and Nicole,” he ponders aloud. The names are really quite similar, which seems like an odd coincidence._

_“Sounds like we were meant to find each other,” Nicole picks up on it too. Yes, of course. This isn’t some odd coincidence, it is destiny. She looks over at him as they eat and watches him carefully._

* * *

He’s been talking with Uncle Everett for a couple of weeks now and it seems to be helping him. He looks heathier and happier, but she’s still worried. There are still dark circles under his eyes and he still wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, even if it is less often. She’d overheard Aunt TJ tell Uncle Everett that her papa was damaged mentally, and she didn’t know if the damage could ever be repaired. She’s scared. Papa has always been strong and helped her whenever he could, but she doesn’t know how to return the favor.

“Do you want my cookie?” he questions, drawing her out of her thoughts. She sees he’s eaten all the food on his plate other than his cookie, which he’s only been doing the past few days. She looks back at her own half-finished plate and then up at him. He smiles, seeing her thought process. “I know you’ll finish the other food before you eat dessert,” he reveals. Trust. He trusts her, which is something her mom and dad never did.

“I love you Papa,” is all she can think to say. She means to tell him that he’s ten times better than her other parents, that she doesn’t know what made her lucky enough to become his daughter. She wants to tell him that she owes him everything and that she wants all his pain to go away because it hurts her too. She wants to say that even though she fears it sometimes, deep down she knows he’ll never hurt her or leave her. It doesn’t matter though. He’s a genius and he understands. He comes around the table and envelopes her in one of his safe strong hugs.

“I love you too Nicole,” he says, but he means more than that and she can tell. He means that she brings him happiness and joy. He means that he’ll never hurt or leave her, no matter what. He means that she’s pretty and smart and wanted. He means he’ll protect and cherish her like no one ever has. He means he’ll be there for her and help her with anything. He means that he isn’t sure how he got such a wonderful daughter, but he’s glad he did, even if he had to go through all that pain to get her. They’ve both been through so much, but in a way she’s glad. They can appreciate each other now. And while they both may be damaged, they can heal together. That’s what real families are for.


End file.
